My child, in his work clothes and hat, is asleep next
to his newborn. This photo throws me into a double quantum leap. My brain straddles
the present as I peer at a mixture of time realities.
This tridimensional experience is jammed with emotions
I don’t know what to do with and can’t explain. Am I in awe of my grandchild’s
birth? Proud that my son is a good father? Missing his childhood? Just feeling
old? Why is my time perspectives spliced together? This is my fifth grandchild.
When I visit my son’s home, I watch from the opposite side
of a glass door behind a mask. Smart hubby explained that our present socially
distant reality is causing this jumble of feelings that tip me between multiple
time perspectives at once.
The living picture before me of my son, his wife, their
baby, and a menagerie of pets through their full-length, glass, screen door is
their present reality. One live snapshot that moves and talks and cries and
barks and pees on the carpet and claws the furniture. I’m grateful for this
glass door that gives me an unimpaired view. And, unlike a typical visit, they stand
on display, giving me their direct attention. Like I’m hugging them from
outside a huge bottle.
My mother had preferred watching me hold my newborns. She
enjoyed her visit most that way because she could see the baby more clearly from
her seat across from me. And, of course, babies are more comfortable in their
parent’s embrace when learning a new face. I finally understand this as I look
at my grandchild in my son’s arms. I’m not only seeing a content baby, I’m feeling
quiet joy radiating from a new father. What a view! What an experience. For a
split second, we’re all in the same dimension; the same space.
So, I guess I can’t admit that I miss holding our
newest family member as I peer into those two time dimensions that bend
together on the other side of the glass. All three realities will mesh soon
enough after our health crisis is over. Then, I won’t feel like I missed my
grandbaby’s newborn time on earth. I can travel again.
Deep love buries selfishness.
Proud of my family. Proud of me.
Oh my gosh, Dawn! What a powerful and touching post! First, congratulations on your 5th grandchild. Please wish your son all the love and fun to come.
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I am so proud of you. I LOVE your statement that "Deep love buries selfishness." It is very true. Even if we can't hold our grandbabies--yet! All best to you.
Thank you, Victoria. You're so kind.
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