Quanta Leaping Grandma

 

My child, in his work clothes and hat, is asleep next to his newborn. This photo throws me into a double quantum leap. My brain straddles the present as I peer at a mixture of time realities.

This tridimensional experience is jammed with emotions I don’t know what to do with and can’t explain. Am I in awe of my grandchild’s birth? Proud that my son is a good father? Missing his childhood? Just feeling old? Why is my time perspectives spliced together? This is my fifth grandchild.

When I visit my son’s home, I watch from the opposite side of a glass door behind a mask. Smart hubby explained that our present socially distant reality is causing this jumble of feelings that tip me between multiple time perspectives at once.

The living picture before me of my son, his wife, their baby, and a menagerie of pets through their full-length, glass, screen door is their present reality. One live snapshot that moves and talks and cries and barks and pees on the carpet and claws the furniture. I’m grateful for this glass door that gives me an unimpaired view. And, unlike a typical visit, they stand on display, giving me their direct attention. Like I’m hugging them from outside a huge bottle.

My mother had preferred watching me hold my newborns. She enjoyed her visit most that way because she could see the baby more clearly from her seat across from me. And, of course, babies are more comfortable in their parent’s embrace when learning a new face. I finally understand this as I look at my grandchild in my son’s arms. I’m not only seeing a content baby, I’m feeling quiet joy radiating from a new father. What a view! What an experience. For a split second, we’re all in the same dimension; the same space.

So, I guess I can’t admit that I miss holding our newest family member as I peer into those two time dimensions that bend together on the other side of the glass. All three realities will mesh soon enough after our health crisis is over. Then, I won’t feel like I missed my grandbaby’s newborn time on earth. I can travel again.

Deep love buries selfishness.

Proud of my family. Proud of me.